Greetings, beloved friends, family, and potentially some of Mom’s Facebook friends! I require your assistance.

Here’s the deal. Two weeks ago, my quiet, sweet roommate turned into, as our dear Irish friend Conor would say, a nasty wee cat.

She does not talk to me at all, does not respond to my attempts to talk (which I can totally understand, given my tendency to say such offensive things as “Good morning” and “Welcome home”), and yesterday complained that I was typing too loudly and would I please stop (she was not sleeping). Attempts to solve the problem like a Grown Up Human have been unsuccessful:

  1. If I ask her what is wrong, she says nothing–that she’s just stressed about school.
  2. If I offer a solution to a problem I anticipate she is having or may have (for instance, the fact that I am, at some point, going to need to Skype in the room, when she will likely be here, because she NEVER LEAVES), she will not engage in that discussion, instead replying “Whatever you want” when clearly she’s mixed up her pronouns.
  3. The one time we did have a would-be productive discussion about a point of friction (a table that had suffered water damage and that we now have to pay for), she interrupted me constantly. Frankly, my dear, your Russian is just not good enough for either of us to understand the other if we’re not both making a good-faith effort. And also, I don’t give a damn (although I will pay for my half. She thinks I’m paying for the whole thing, because, inexplicably, anything that happens in a common space is “[My] fault.” She’s wrong).

I was hoping to turn this into a war of attrition so that she would get frustrated and move out, leaving me with my lovely lovely single. If that happened 2 hours from now it would not be soon enough, and it is a process that is likely to take weeks, months, or forever. I hereby declare that I have attrited.


  1. A different room in the Universiades Village (where I currently live). – cost: $10/month
  2. Move into the old dorms – cost: $10/month
  3. Move into a private apartment, arranged by the university – cost: $370/month
  4. Move into a host family, arranged by the university – cost: $300/month
  5. Arrange private accommodations – cost: DOESN’T MATTER NOT DOING IT NO WAY JOSE

The university will arrange a maximum of 2 housing options, so this is a one-shot deal.

The first two options are tempting economically, but given the fact that I (a) am 25-turning-on-26 and (b) have had the living habits of a 50-year-old since I was 17, I am afraid that I would get placed with some freshman who would drive me insane, and I’d wind up in a gulag with blood on my hands. Oh my god what if it’s another Rachel? Nope, can’t do it.

Option 3 is also out. I do not want to be isolated all the time. I have asked my classmates if anyone’s interested in splitting an apartment, and so far no one’s responded.

Host family remains as the most viable option.

– Built-in conversation partners
– Breakfast provided
– probably closer to uni/on a different bus route from the Universiade Village (= less crowded and miserable)
– maybe they have a dacha
– I can teach my English student more than once a week (if circumstances allow)
– I can take Russian lessons online (Lesson with a teacher I’ve already worked with is $10/hour)
– expensive ($1200 total as opposed to like $80)
– expensive (that’s a lot of money, and I don’t have a job)
– expensive (that means I’d have to start budgeting and stop coming up with excuses to, for example, sketch off to Ekaterinburg for the weekend)
– they might be mean, too
Am I leaving anything out, friends, family, and Facebook friends of Mom? What would you do?