Today some people were passing out swag bags on campus as I locked up my bike. My bag contained…

– 1 raspberry mineral water

– 1 Capri Sun (I will never understand why these are so popular here)

– 1 cookie

– 1 pack of popcorn

– 1 coupon for a haircut at the German Great Clips

– 1 decal with the logo of a certain energy drink

– 1 condom (which, judging by the packaging, I thought was makeup. It was not)

– 1 timetable for a certain long-distance bus company

– 1 thing of eyeshadow with a label in Ukrainian and Kazakh (see, I wasn’t totally wrong–and the languages definitely make it sketchier)

– 1 travel-size (but why?) bottle of dish soap.

Um…thanks?

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